I went through four months of chemo, bilateral mastectomies, 5.5 weeks of radiation, reconstruction, having my ovary and tubes removed, going through early menopause and now taking a daily pill to eliminate my estrogen. I feel like I truly am a survivor and living each day like they really matter. I get scared too. I am scared that "this might be my last Christmas, my last birthday, my last anniversary." It is hard but it pushes me too. I want to be a grandma. I want to hold my first grandchild. I want to see my kids go to college and start their own lives. That is my goal. I want to LIVE a normal life.
Sometimes I wake up and think that all of this was just a bad dream. That I will have my old body back, that my memory loss will be a cruel joke, that I won't have to live with this anxiety of the cancer returning (every single day) but then I remember that it was real.
I am grateful for the cancer too. I have met some of the most courageous, beautiful, kind and honest people through my trials. People who love you, not because of your hair, car or career but because of your connection through cancer. Cancer takes from you but it also gives. It gives you a new perspective on life. I was going through life kind of on autopilot. I don't take things for granted now. I know it can be taken away at any moment. So, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to have more time with my kids, my amazing husband and my friends.
My next adventure is the Tour de Pink. It is a 200 mile bike race over 3 days. It is in California right on the coast line. I have committed to participate in this ride and raise $2500. I have two friends who are also going to be riding with me. We are raising money to be donated for the Young Survival Coalition. This is the national group that our local YSC survivor group belongs to. We have 10 ladies in Iron County that were diagnosed at age 45 or younger with breast cancer. We call ourselves the Iron Young Survivors. We have monthly meetings and activities. We support each other and have a lot of fun together. Cancer is so hard, it is important to come together and lift each other up.
I am riding the Tour de Pink because I CAN!! I am riding for the 10 ladies in my group who I truly love. I am riding for all breast cancer survivors. This will be my marathon of sorts. I am already in training. Today we rode 9 miles. We are gradually building up our endurance. I can't wait to see the ocean and ride the Tour de Pink!!
