Feeling better

Well it has officially been a month since my surgery.  Wow, that was a lot more than I thought.  My last surgery was painful emotionally.  I had lost my breasts, I had cancer and I still had radiation to get through.  This surgery was painful physically.  My right side reconstruction wasn't that bad.  I probably could have been back to work in a few days.  Now, my left side reconstruction was awful.  The difference is that my left side needed a lat. flap.  They took my muscle from my back and transferred it to reconstruct my breast with a small implant.  My back was in a lot of pain.  I still can't pick up much from the ground or sleep very long on that side.  I can get through this.  I have to keep telling myself that.

I am also dealing with fatigue.  I am tired a lot.  Tired at work, tired at home.  It has to do with the surgery, recovering still from chemo and radiation.  My white count still isn't back up to normal.  I found that surprising.  Cancer is the pits.  Now I have started worrying about every little pain.  Is my cancer back?  Could this be something that I should see the doctor about?  It is so frustrating.  The part I hate is that I know that this is my life from now on.  My cancer could grow back.  I keep telling myself to heal but sometimes God has another plan for us and I have to just do my part.  I have started exercising again and I am trying to eat better.  For now, that is all I can do.