Pinktober, Yes or No??

I am at odds with myself about Pinktober.  Do I like all of the pink ribbon merchandise everywhere around me?  Or do I want to throw up every time I see it?  Sometimes it just makes me mad because it is many companies getting rich off of the "Pink Ribbon" pop culture.  How much money do these companies really donate to support breast cancer treatments or research?  Cancer isn't beautiful like a pink ribbon.  It is red from all the blood we have shed, it is green from all of the vomit, it is purple from the scars left on our bodies, it is black from all of the sisters we have lost to the disease, it is blue from all of the tears given when we are scared for the future, it is white from the hospital gowns we have worn during the time we spend in hospitals.  I don't see pink anywhere except on the ribbons that remind me that cancer keeps coming and affecting the people I love.  You decide how you feel, I have yet to decide.  

Maybe You Don't Agree-Tamoxifen

    Well, I have debated whether to share this or not.  I guess this blog is like my journal so, why not??  I have decided not to take Tamoxifen anymore.  Why??? would I ever do that?  Well, there are so many reasons.  #1 (and it is a HUGE #1)  my tumor was less than 1% estrogen positive. I had the tumor tested twice and two different locations and it came back the same both times.   I am almost a triple negative.  That would be negative for estrogen, progesterone and her2.  I didn't have to take the herceptin chemotherapy, which is an extra round of chemo.  Most people who take Tamoxifen are like 40% or more positive for estrogen.
    I saw my doctor this week.  The conversation went like this, "How is the Tamoxifen going?" he says.  I waited for a few seconds and said, "Well, I am not going to be taking the Tamoxifen."  It had only been about 7 days since the last pill but it felt pretty dang good to take my own health into my hands. I felt like I was letting him down but I have to do what I think is best. Yes, it is scary.  It is CRAZY scary!!  What if this is the wrong choice??  What if in three months the cancer is back?  I will never know if it is the cancer or not taking the "PILL".  It seems like everyone around me (Pink sisters) take "the PILL".  We do it because the doctors tell us to.  Does it help?  My doctor said it was like wearing a seat belt, sure you may not have an accident but it is there just in case you do.
   Why would I want to make this decision?  My side effects-weight gain, anxiety, hot flashes (like a burning tube of lava in my body, hot flashes), lost my right ovary due to cyst growth, had to get a D&C because of uterine growth, and the possibility of uterine cancer in the future.  Plus, the doctors have now decided people need to take it for 10 years instead of 5 years.  Well, it has been about 2 weeks now and "the PILL" is still getting out of my system.  I am with great hope that my body will be returned to me.

Power in Pink 5K

So, I think I may need to be committed by the time October is said and done.  Not only am I training for this crazy bike race but I am planning the Power in Pink 5K/1 Mile Walk for Iron County on
  October 4, 2014.  It starts at the West Canyon Park and lasts for a few hours.  I just got the design back for the t-shirts.  I love it.  These women mean so much to me.  I love that everyone wants to help those in need.  We have such a huge need in this area.  I am so excited for these two things.  Can't wait!!  If you want to register for the event, it is on Active.com.