My Diagnosis

Study for University of Mass.
Flowers from some really good friends of ours and family.

Two of my reasons to fight this monster.

I love them so much!

Well, this is going to be a long and hard journey but one that I am ready for. Sure I have had days of crying then laughing and crying again. Those days will come and go, I'm sure. Right now I am just MAD! I have to fight. I have to be here for my kids and my wonderful husband. I have way too much life left to give up my fight. I just keep asking, "Why God? I don't understand. I don't know why my body has betrayed me." I really do love life. I am not a depressed person. I love to be around people, do things, stay active. I really felt like my health was really good. I guess I should explain how all of this went down.

It started six weeks ago....I thought I had mastitus. I called my sister and asked her what she had done when she had this. I massaged and used heat. I had this lump on my left breast that wasn't going away. I nursed my son on that side first each time I fed him. The lump didn't go away. I called the doctor's office after a week because it started to hurt on that side when I slept. I thought that my infection was just getting worse. He prescribed an antibiotic. I took it for 10 days. The pain went away but the lump did not. I called the doctors office again and left a message. This time the nurse called my cell phone and left me a message that said, If I had any more questions about my lump to call back. I was mad because I felt dismissed. I waited another week and called again. This time the doctor ordered an ultrasound. I scheduled that for the next week. I had the ultrasound on March 28th. The ultrasound tech took some pictures and the radiologist came to look at them. He quickly asked my story and took a look at my images. He then decided to biopsy the lump right then and there. He said it was either a tumor or cancer. I was shocked. I really thought that they would just be able to suck out my infection and I would be done with all of this. I was so sure that I went to my appointment by myself and my husband didn't come with me. I was alone for the biopsy and so shocked at my news. The radiologist said that I would know in 3-5 days what was found but that I should schedule the appointment with a surgeon immediately.

I was informed the very next day that I had breast cancer. I am 34 years old and nursing an 11 month old baby and I have breast cancer. This is something my mother has had twice, not a young mother like me. She was 44 years old when she had her first diagnosis. My grandmother had breast cancer at age 60. Everyone thought that both of their cancers were due to downwinders exposure during the 1950's-60's. I am not convinced now. There has to be something in our family genes to create this monster.

I have since seen the oncologist...can you believe that I HAVE AN ONCOLOGIST!! What the HECK is wrong with that picture??? I have also had my chemo class, seen the surgeon and have set up my date for surgury for my portacath. This is a device that will help me receive my chemotherapy. I will have chemotherapy next week, aren't I lucky. I will get poison running through my veins. It is such a shock to me because I don't use any drugs, don't drink or smoke, I don't hardly even take OTC medications. They want to do chemotherapy to try to shrink my tumor first before my operation. My tumor was 5cm x2 cm x3 cm. It isn't small. How did I miss it? I had my first mammogram two years ago before I got pregnant with my little miracle baby. I will explain that later. The mammogram was clean and good.

Now I am just coming to terms with losing my hair, feeling like crap and having to wean my little boy. He is really hating it. I have offered to participate in a research study about breastcancer and breast feeding. It is through the University of Mass. I am hoping I can help other young mothers who might be faced with this. I know that there will be days that I hate life but as of right now, I love life and I have way too much love to give to give up now.