Latest Update

This last chemo has really kicked my butt. I am throwing up a lot, not being able to drink a lot. My hands look so dry that you can see all the ridges in them. I just feel weak. I know that this isn't the prettiest of pictures but this is what cancer does to you. I really just want my life back. I want to be able to shop for shampoo, go out to eat like every one else, plan my day not around when I take my pills. I know this will end but for now, I am enduring. I am reading a cool book right now. It is the Boy Who Came Back From Heaven. In there they talk about realizing that other people out there were hurting too and going through their own trials. I know that other people out their are hurting and I am grateful for every day I get to spend with my children and husband. I just have to whin a little along the way.

Update

I haven't updated for a while because it has been rough. I was sick for about 10 days this time. I am really dreading going in for my 4th and final A and C chemo. I will then start my taxol chemo for 8 weeks. I am SOOOOO ready to be done with this whole process. I want to be me again. When I look in the mirror, I see me but a strange version of me. I don't want a bald head, I want hair. My life will never be the same again. I will have the surgery and have all new feelings to deal with. I am feeling done with this trial. I know that I am grateful that I live in a time with great medicine but it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck. Sure, I look like I am doing great but I am pulling every piece of strength I can for this. Cancer isn't cute...that is the last thing I want to hear. I am smack in the middle of this crappy hand I was dealt. I just need to pull the strength together to keep pushing forward.

Third Chemo

Well, I made it through my third chemo. I am getting a little of the chemo brain. Don't ask me names of people or expect me to remember where I am supposed to be and when. We even forgot to pick up my sweet little Jordan. I really thought that Todd had all of them at the baseball game. It wasn't until 6:15 PM that the babysitter called everywhere trying to find out where we were. Poor Jordan, I guess I have a good excuse. I was really sick yesterday...lots of sick stomach. Today I have been a barrell of laughs. I wore my wig and my sister took me to buy flowers for my yard. I even spent several hours outsite planting them. It felt good to be outside, doing something beside sleeping. I then spent the night trying on all of my old clothes. I felt like I was at a store shopping. These are my pre-pregancy clothes. It felt good to fit in them. I have way too many clothes now. Well, at least one positive thing has happened I guess.

My Song that makes me cry and gives me inspiration at the same time

I love this song.  It makes me think that even though my life has had some battles I am SOOO glad that I chose to come to Earth.  I would never trade my time that I have had.  I have FOUR beautiful children, a husband that I am totally in love with, a wonderful job that is so fullfilling, a faith that has given me so much love and hope, and a supportive family.  Life gives us all trials and we never know when our last day will be.  I treasure every day that I have here on Earth.  This is what I have learned.  I am GRATEFUL for LIFE, don't take it for granted.  

"Glad You Came"

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came

You cast a spell on me, spell on me
You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me
And I decided you look well on me, well on me
So let's go somewhere no-one else can see, you and me

Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

You cast a spell on me, spell on me
You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me
And I decided you look well on me, well on me
So let's go somewhere no-one else can see, you and me

Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

I'm glad you came
So glad you came
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

My "Unbucket" List

This is my work in progress.... A list of things that I want to do. It isn't a bucket list because I am not going to kick the bucket, not for many years!

1. Drive a fast car, fast. 

2. Go to Hawaii, love it there. 

3. Sing Karaoki "Thunderstruck", one of my rockin tunes that I love. 

4. Take Jordan to Disneyland, when she stops sucking her thumb. 

5. Watch every child graduate from High school. 6. 

 Go to a rock concert, love every second of it. 

7. Potty train Houston...in a year or so. 

8. Create an app for the Ipad for SPED students, contribute to the tech world. 

9. See Wicked, I've heard it is wonderful. 

10. Improve my cooking skills, I would like to learn more about herbs. 

11.  Learn how to shoot a gun, sounds so fun!

12. I will be adding to the list as I see fit, it is my list after all.

I am blessed

I am so blessed in my life. I know that I have had a rough week but I am lifted by everyone's prayers and kind words. I also have the best husband and kids in the world. Jordan says that "I'm not scary," enough times that I am sure she is just reassuring herself that I am still her mommy, just different. I am just grateful that I am the one going through this and not one of my kids. I am humbled my the children who go through this. They are the giants, they are the courageous ones. God gives us all challeges and I guess he knows what we can take. It's a good thing that I don't decide that because I would never give people this disease. I had a great care package today from some great women. They knew that I needed a pick me up. I am humbled my everyone's kind words, thank you. I went back to work today. The students only slightly stared at my bald head. I don't know what to say to people who stare??? Yes, I have cancer...you want a picture? No, that might make them uncomfortable. I wouldn't want anyone to be uncomfortable with the elephant in the room. Just ask people, it makes the mood lighter and it might make you a new friend.