Update

Well, I ended up having surgery on November 21, 2013.  Dr. Rhodes did an amazing job.  I feel great and am hopeful that everything is looking up from here.

I had the surgery at IMC in Murry and stayed for one night.  Dr. Rhodes did a frozen biopsy to see if the cyst was malignant.  It was benign!!  When I woke up from surgery that was the first thing I asked about.  When the nurse told me it was benign, I started crying.  The nurse told me to calm down and not cry.  Don't tell me not to cry, those were happy tears.  Until you have been told you have cancer, you don't get to judge.  I was full of relief.  The doctor took out my right ovary, my cyst named Harry, two cysts on my left ovary, and both Fallopian tubes.  They are finding that the tubes are the starting points for ovarian cancer.  It was kind of strange, I had to sign a waiver saying that I was fine to be sterile.  Not that I want anymore children, it is just another step in this process of cancer.  Another life decision forced on me.  I also had to have a D & C because I was starting to develop a polyp on my uterus.  This is yet another side product of Tamoxifin.  If I didn't love it because it stops the breast cancer, I would hate it for everything else it does to my body.

Here are some great pictures of my ovaries.  I kept telling the doctor I wanted to see what was going on in there.  This is what I got.  The big bulges are my cysts.  Looks fun, huh.

Update of the Cyst Now Named Harry

Well, Dr. Rhode was amazing.  She really thought about how to treat my issues.  The choices were to have my right ovary removed (the cyst has pretty much destroyed it) and both my tubes or a complete hysterectomy.  I have chosen the first option.  I will still have some estrogen which I know is risky but I also need to be able to use my bones in the future.  Here is the plan:  First, I will have one more ultrasound on the 19th of November to see what the two cysts are doing.  If Harry (the 8 CM cyst) isn't behaving then will be in surgery on November 21 at IMC in Salt Lake City.  The doctor will take biopsies and determine whether the cysts are cancerous.  If everything looks normal then it will be an in and out surgery with a few days of recovery.  It can be done laproscopicaly.  If there is any cancer involved then....I get to have that lovely hysterectomy.  The recovery is about 6 weeks.  I will also have biopsies of other areas in my gut (so much  fun).  Now if my ultrasound shows that the cysts are behaving and going down naturally...NO surgery (YEAH!!).  Let's hope for this.  I am doing pretty well.  There isn't any pain involved so that is a positive.

I also had an MRI of my brain because I had a constant pain in my right side in the back.  I was so worried that my breast cancer had traveled to my brain.  It was a stupid sinus infection.  Did you even know that you could have an infection in the back of your head?  I am now on antibiotics and that was the most expensive sinus infection ever.  I would always regret it if I didn't get it checked and I did have a brain tumor.  That would be horrible. 

Results

Well, more confusion.  My inhibin A is elevated to 115, normal is 97.  Also, my big cyst (8 cm)  is a complex cyst.  This is what I found about them.  Complex ovarian cysts are very rare but they can cause many serious problems and complications, including emotional isolation because of the condition.

Causes of Complex Ovarian Cyst

Complex ovarian cyst, unlike a functional ovarian cyst does not start during the normal function of a menstrual cycle. The cause or causes have not been identified. There are several risk factors known to be associated with its formation:

• genetic predisposition
• early onset of menstruation (younger than 12 years)
• history of irregular menstrual cycles or previous ovarian cysts
• hypothyroidism
• obesity or increase in upper body fat
• infertility and infertility treatment (clomiphene or letrozole)
• tamoxifen (for treatment of breast cancer)  *BINGO*

If I hear the word RARE regarding something that happens to me one more time, I will seriously scream.  I should play the lottery.  First, my IUD perforated (1:1,000 women) Second, breast cancer at the age of 33 (1:227 women) and now this.  Hummm.....
 My doctor is referring me to an gyn. oncologist is Salt Lake City.  Really, another oncologist?  This CANNOT be happening.  I am sure that it has to do with my tamoxifen.  I guess the specialist will be able to decide when to operate, how and why.  If they go in and something isn't good, they will take my whole ovary out.  If it is cancer, then I will lose both ovaries.  This totally sucks.  Can I really have this bad of luck?  I guess last week was nice because I was busy and I didn't know about all of this crappy news.  Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

I am still happy, I love my life.  I just wish that my family could catch a break.  I don't know if my kids can go through this again.  They need a regular mom who cooks pancakes in the morning and whistles while she is cleaning the house.  Normalcy would be nice people.

Wow, Super Emotions this Week

First, I will start with the good.  

The first Cedar City Power in Pink race/walk was a success.  We raised $2600.00, all to go towards the local ladies affected by breast cancer.  I love these ladies so much.  Cancer sucks and it can take so much from a family.  I have to say THANK YOU.  THANK YOU to everyone who gave, supported, participated and helped make this day a success.

The Denim Day at ICSD was also a huge success.  It was fun to wear pink, wear jeans and have fun to support our local ladies affected by breast cancer.

The bad.  I have debated whether or not to write these things.  I have always been honest on my breast cancer blog.  I never hid anything.  If it can help someone else going through breast cancer, then I will do it.  About 7 weeks ago I had an ultra sound to check up on my ovaries because of my medication and because breast cancer is linked with ovarian cancer.  Well, they found two 4.5 cm cysts on my ovaries (one on each).  I had the CA125 blood test done, it was negative.  That is good.  I was told I could either 1-have a hysterectomy or 2-wait 6-8 weeks and repeat the ultra sound.  I elected to wait. I don't want to lose my ovaries.  They are important for a woman, especially one that is only 35 years old.  The doctors feel that my tamoxifen is causing the cysts.  I researched the link and it is very high.  Well, I went on Friday because it had been 7 weeks since my ultrasound.  I also didn't have enough to do that day (sarcasm).  As I was putting the t-shirts together for the race about 4:00 PM, I received a call from the doctors office.  My right cyst is now 8 cm and the left has shrank.  I was told to go to the hospital for some blood work.  I went right over and now I am waiting.  I took a picture of all the tests that were ordered because the only word I understood on the paper was "tumor".  So now I wait.  I enjoyed the race and forgot about my panic for one day.  The lady who took my blood said that I should know what the blood shows by Monday.  I have also been told that they are being very cautious and not too worry.  It is hard for me not to worry.  I was 33 years old, nursing a baby, living life very full when I was diagnosed with stage 3C invasive breast cancer.  Cancer has forever altered me.  I am living everyday, thinking that maybe the cancer could creep back on me.

For now, I would just like to get the cyst drained.  Anyone out there had to do this? I don't want to lose my ovaries, I don't want to be out of work for 6 weeks.  I don't want to slow down.  I don't want to change.

Even with these things I am happy.  I know that things are going to be okay.  I know that I have a heavenly father who loves me and wants me to be happy.  I am so very blessed with a wonderful family and with friends who love me.  I will push on and I will not fail.

I ran a 5K

One year ago I would never believe that I could run a 5K.  I did it today and I had a blast.  Thank you to my friends for allowing me to spend the day with you.  Thank you to my mom who came and took pictures of our craziness.  I loved today.

Happy

I am grateful.  I am happy.  Things are going pretty smooth right now.  I just want to thank the lord for what I have.  I know without him, I am nothing.  We are all given so much and yet we don't take the time to be thankful.  Things are going so well that I actually woke myself up last night by laughing out loud.  It has been a long time since I have really had peaceful sleep.  Maybe it's because I have stopped really worrying about dying and started living.  I have four beautiful children and a husband who I adore.  Life is a gift.

Race-Lessons I am Learning....

Wow, I am learning a whole lot.  These fundraiser races take a lot of work.  I mean hours and hours of work.  I think about it pretty much every day. I am happy though. It feels so great to be giving back to other people.  I am not so focused on the "poor me's" anymore.  I don't have time to sit and get mad at my horrible luck.  I am giving my energy to something positive and I love it.  Service feels so nice for a change.  I am not the one receiving but giving and I love it.  October 5 is going to ROCK! 

Dude Ranch

I finally got the Dude Ranch pictures.  We had the best time.  We rode horses, practiced archery, went on hikes, spent time together and ate a lot.  Good memories.

Tamoxifen Stinks

I am not liking the side effects of Tamoxifen.  I know that it is helping me by preventing breast cancer from growing but other things are happening that I am not too happy with.  I hate not knowing, I hate always having things in the back of my mind, I hate worrying about things that are probably going to be fine.  It is always the unknown that gets me.  I have been known to defy the odds.  I got breast cancer at 33, I had mirena issues, things just happen to me.  I really need to play the lotto, I might win something good for once.

New Adventures

I am off on my new adventures.  I am planning a 5k/1 mile walk for October 5, 2013.  All the proceeds will benefit local women afflicted by breast cancer.  I couldn't be more excited.  It takes a lot of work.  I had to figure out the registration process, which I hopefully have.  Today I designed the t-shirt and I love the design.  I think that I am partial to pink breast cancer things though.  Here it is....

My Amazing Experience in Washington, D.C.

I had to share my amazing experience in Washington, D.C.  I was able to go to a National Conference this June and present at a conference with my school.  I had such a great time.  The National sites are incredible. I had the best time with awesome women who work with me.  Well, one night we decided to go to the Brighton store. I wanted to get a Washington, D.C. charm for my bracelet.  I was deciding what to buy when I asked the store clerk if they had any more Breast Cancer jewelry. I thought this was a long shot because the Salt Lake store sells out in just a few weeks in October.  Well, they had some necklaces.  She brought them to me.  The lady next to me was hilarious.  She was like, "You have to buy that Robyn."  She was overhearing my friends say my name.  I was very on the fence because it was $50.00.  The lady next to me paid and left.  The clerk said, "She bought you that necklace."  She was tearing up over the experience.  I was overwhelmed but very grateful.  I got a picture with the cute gals who work at the store.  I need to develop this and send it to them.  I also got to go to the Nationals professional baseball game.  Guess who won Fan of the Game??  Me!!  It's only because I'm a goof and danced for the camera.  My 11 year old said that I probably embarrassed myself.  Guess what?  I don't really care!

Angelina's Brave Choice

I think that Angelina Jolie's decision to have profolatic mastectomies was brave.  I know what she went through.  It is a very hard thing to have your breasts removed.  My only difference is that I had cancer in my left breast and didn't want to get it on my right.  I would've rather have had the surgeries she did than have cancer and chemo/radiation.  Treatment stinks.  Then your done and everyone around you thinks all is back to normal.  I will never be the same.  Cancer changes you.  I don't take things for granted, I don't let opportunities pass me by.  I also worry daily about the cancer coming back.  Any new pain or change brings on the cancer worries.  Last night I was thinking, "Was the last year a dream?  A nightmare?"  It still doesn't seem real that I went through this.  I feel very out of my skin.  Life is a fragile gift.  One that can disappear at any time.  

Read about Angelina Jolie here  CNN article

Feeling better

Well it has officially been a month since my surgery.  Wow, that was a lot more than I thought.  My last surgery was painful emotionally.  I had lost my breasts, I had cancer and I still had radiation to get through.  This surgery was painful physically.  My right side reconstruction wasn't that bad.  I probably could have been back to work in a few days.  Now, my left side reconstruction was awful.  The difference is that my left side needed a lat. flap.  They took my muscle from my back and transferred it to reconstruct my breast with a small implant.  My back was in a lot of pain.  I still can't pick up much from the ground or sleep very long on that side.  I can get through this.  I have to keep telling myself that.

I am also dealing with fatigue.  I am tired a lot.  Tired at work, tired at home.  It has to do with the surgery, recovering still from chemo and radiation.  My white count still isn't back up to normal.  I found that surprising.  Cancer is the pits.  Now I have started worrying about every little pain.  Is my cancer back?  Could this be something that I should see the doctor about?  It is so frustrating.  The part I hate is that I know that this is my life from now on.  My cancer could grow back.  I keep telling myself to heal but sometimes God has another plan for us and I have to just do my part.  I have started exercising again and I am trying to eat better.  For now, that is all I can do.

Sugery Tomorrow

Yikes!  Surgery is tomorrow.  I am nervous/scared/excited all at once.  I don't know what I'm getting into, I hate the pain and I also just want it to be over!  I thought it would be interesting to explain what I am doing....


Reconstruction information

Also, here is a YouTube video...

I will report about it soon.........

Easter...Smeaster

I am feeling like I don't like this time of year.  I like the religious part and all but I have had enough!  Let me explain.  2011...I had Houston 3 days prior.  I wasn't really able to do much with the kids with a brand new baby.  2012....I had my port place on the Friday before and I was sick.  I was having chemo on the Tuesday after.  I wasn't really able to have fun with the kids.  2013.....I am having major surgery on the 26th and Easter is the 31st.  Again, I will not be able to enjoy this holiday with the kids.  I really wish that I was having a baby, at least that was a joyous event.  I guess I should just be rejoicing that I am alive!  Yes, I am happy about that but "Can someone else out there have a turn?"  
Happy Easter everyone!

My Year Long Adventure

So, it has ALMOST be one full year since my diagnosis and my week next week is SOOOO busy so I decided to post this a tad bit early.  I made a slide show to document this journey.  It is not one that I would wish on anyone but it is also one that I would never take back.  I have met so many kind, good people along this path.  I have learned to love life and to love people.  Some of the fun things that I got to do this year:  Wicked in Las Vegas, teaching the 7th graders about Cancer, Lee Denim Day at school, Park City retreat, Seattle conference, Jazz game with Todd, Relay for Life, Save a Sister, SUU gymnastics meet, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and all the birthdays in between.  I have enjoyed having more time on this Earth.  My prayer is for even more.  Some of the not so happy times:  Chemo, radiation, blood draws, shots, losing my hair,  surgeries, pain, throwing up, losing my eyelashes, and not being able to hold my baby at times.  Those are the worst.  

If you are close to me, you are probably in here.  It is only because I wanted to honor those around me as well.  Thank you for all you've done.  Click the link below-----

This is You Tube

My Year with Cancer

This is Keynote 

Birthday

My birthday is coming and let's face it, it's been a pretty horrible year.  My 34th year will forever be remembered as the worst year of my life (so far).  I am excited to turn 35 because it will turn the page on this never ending saga.  I have been asked what I wanted and I have a few wishes:
     1.  No more poison being dripped into my chest.
     2.  No more knives cutting away my body.
     3.  No more scarves, hats or soft cloths for my head (hair growth is fabulous).
     4.  No more nightmares about cancer growing back....I will really have to work on this.
     5.  I would really like to limit the amount of people who see my breasts, yes they are still mine and       I still have some amount of dignity.
      6.  I would like to take away the pity in people eyes when they see me.  I am still alive and I don't
       need people to see me as a cancer patient.
      7.  I would like to take away my fear, fear that I will never see another birthday,  another              Christmas, children's graduations and all of the fun events in their lives.
      8. I would love to take away my scars, the physical and the emotional ones. 
      9.  I would like to forgive myself and God.  It wasn't my fault this happened and it wasn't God's.
       It happened and now I need to move forward.

Okay I had my pity party and now I can move on.  There is more to cancer than the medical treatment.  We have to talk about it and then we can move on. 

Conference Fun

Space  Needle

Kim, my sister from Tennessee

View from the Space Needle

My sisters from Virginia, I will forever be grateful for their friendship

Pike's Fish Market, what a fun place

This picture is mostly for the awesome guy behind me. 

Gum wall, yuck!

Jazz Game, it was a long week

Second row seats

Loving the cheesy background

Everyone who went to C4YW

Here are a few pictures from my adventure.  I learned a lot.  Mostly I learned to accept everyone for who they are and to forgive myself for getting cancer.  It is an everyday emotional battle.  I don't think it really ever goes away but you can learn to forgive and let go pieces at a time.  I had the best time with Kim, she is my sister from the East coast.  We met some amazing women from Virginia.  A group from Beyond Boobs.  They were amazing.  Thank you everyone for supporting my adventure.